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Without you by my side,
I find myself having more
Sleepless nights.
And without you kissing me
I find more tears
Come my way.

I feel as though I can’t
Function
Without knowing you’re mine.
I feel almost mechanical —
Everything is like clockwork.

I get up
Shower
Cry
Do god knows what
Cry
Attempt sleep.

Nothing is the same
Without you.
I miss the passion,
And I miss your spontaneity.
And.
I just miss you.

Heaven knows,
Why you left me.
Lost and alone and scared.
Was it for him?
Was it for her?
Was it because I couldn’t come?

"I’m so screwed up,"
You’d tell me.
“I’m no good for you.”
You’d insist.
“You’re not the only fucked up one,”
I’d shout at you.
“Don’t you dare do this to me.”
I’d beg you.
Silence on your end.
“Don’t do this.
I know it scares you,
Because I’m scared as hell myself.
But I love you.
And I’ve never felt this way before.
Please.”
I’d try to reason with you.
“Just let me go.”
You’d sternly tell me
As you walked away.

And of course,
Here we are.
Months later.
And it feels like you
Just broke my heart all over again.

Did we just cross paths at the wrong time?
You told me
You wished I was the one.
Was that all a lie,
To make prom even more beautiful?

Without knowing the truth,
I’m stuck in the past
Unable to accept reality.
I live in my dreams,
Hoping that you long for my touch
Like I long to breathe in
Your scent.

You smell like
Musk and metal.
Because you would weld in the mornings.
And you knew musk was my favorite.
Your shampoo always smelled like
Fruit.
And your lips always tasted like cherries.
And you were the definition of
True beauty.

I just wish you’d come back.

~ Original.

Recently,
I’ve found myself
Shutting up
And locking myself in
My room.

I feel as though,
I deserve to be alone.
And I deserve to be sad.
I’m not worth anything.

I know I should be happy.
I’m pretty
And lovely
And nice.
Or, that’s what I’m told,
At least.

I feel as though,
Nothing can close this void
In my heart.

I think of being in love
Every second of every hour.
I think of you
Every waking moment.
I think of how I miss us
Every time I take a breath.

I dream of you
Every night.
The same dream
Every night.

You walk with me
In a college
To our class together.
And then you walk away
And as I’m walking the opposite way
With tears in my eyes.
You run back
And tell me how sorry you are
And how much you love me.

I can’t help but think,
Do we still have a chance?
A chance at real,
Honest, pure love?

Whenever I think of you,
Which, believe me,
Is often,
I think of the feeling of your
Hair running through my hands.
I think of your soft, moist lips
Grazing across my skin.
I think of you whispering
My name into my ear
Like you’re out of breath.

You are everything.
Everything I’ve ever wanted.
Everything I’ve ever needed.
I’ve never been codependent.
But I was hanging by a thread
When you said “hello” to me in the rain.

"you know, I’ve never been kissed
In the snow before.” you said.
And I kissed you.
Like a middle school girl
Kisses middle school boys.
Because I was so nervous.
Because you are perfection.

And I never expected us to play out
Like this.
I expected us to be together.
You said
You were looking for a long-term
Loving relationship.
And I was willing to give you
Everything.

Because that’s what you have.
You have my heart
And my soul
And my everything.

Come back to me, mein amori.

~ Original.

Throughout my life,
I’ve felt like a complete freak
Because I’ve never given a shit
About anybody.

It’s not that I don’t want to care,
It’s just.
I can’t.
I’ve never felt love for my mother,
Or my father.
I’ve never wanted to hug my
Brothers or my sister.
I’ve never wanted any of that.

and I’ve had ‘heartbreaks,’
But all they’ve ever been
Was me being
Confused.
Because I haven’t found the one
Who makes me love.

I feel so boring.
All my life I’ve made up emotions.
Laughed when I was supposed to,
Cried when it was expected.

Never felt anything I’ve called my own.

I feel like such an outsider,
Never fitting in,
Never growing up and loving
Anybody.
Never having any of the normal stuff

I’ve never been within the social norms.

I feel like a loser.
Never opening up to anybody
Because I don’t have any feelings to show.
Never holding hands
While walking down the hallways at school.
Never having that one
Girl who was always by my side.

I’ve never been okay.

~ Original.

I held your hand
Through every
Nightmare
And I held you
Against my chest
While you wept.
And I kissed away your
Tears
And told you how much
I loved you
And how I would never leave you.

And in the end,
You left me.
And now I’m the one
Who has nightmares
And has no one to hold my hand
Through it.
And now I’m the one who cries
To myself
And doesn’t have anyone
To kiss the pain away.

And you left me
With a broken heart
And a half full bottle of
Whisky.
Now it’s down to
A quarter full
And I’m sobbing as I
Write this.

Oh,
And you left me,
With a broken heart
And no hope
Of ever
Recovering.

I love you.
I love all of you,
Everything about you is beyond
Perfect.

I would give anything to just have
You.
I would do anything  to make you love me,
Even if it was just for a minute.
And I would do anything that would make you
Happy,
Even if that meant
Giving up
On you
Ever loving
Me.

And if it made you happy,
I would leave
And never look back.
And if it made you happy,
I would get drunk every night
And cry myself to sleep
Because you’ll
Always be
The one who got away.

You’re the one, who got away,
The one whom
I love the most.
You’re the one
I’ll never be able to
Forget.
And the one
I love the most.

You’re the queen
Of beauty
And have a heart
Of gold.
You are everything
I want to love.
No wonder I fell for you,
Oh dear, you mean the world
And then some to me.
Oh, amori,
I never want to lose you.
But how can I lose someone I never had?

Oh, god,
Angela, my angel-a.
Come back to me.
Because I never want to forget what we had.
I never want you to forget what
We had.
Everything between us,
Was raw hard passion,
And everything between us
Was like electricity
And oh god,
Everything between us,
Set something inside of me on
Fire.

I’m so recklessly in love with you.
Every time I see you,
My chest twists
In anticipation
Of feeling your lips lightly
Graze
Across my skin.

And then I remember
And my heart drops
In disappointment
Because you aren’t mine
Anymore. 

I wish,
We had a long lasting love
And I wish
I made your heart
Swell up,
When I moved your hair
And tucked it
Behind your ear.

I long to kiss you,
Every second
Of every day
And I long to lay with you
In your bed
Between your red
Silk sheets.
Oh, and how I long for the feeling
Of electricity pulsing through me,
When we had skin on skin contact.

I wish,
That what you felt for me,
Was real.
And I wish,
That I made you feel beautiful.
Because, damn, you were the most beautiful person
I’ve ever met.
Inside and out.
Physically and mentally.

I long to feel your clammy hand
Resting in mine.
And I long to watch movies with you
On my couch.
Oh, and I long for the looks you gave me.
The ones that reassured me
That you were the happiest person I’d
Ever seen.

I wish we had a better chance
At love.
And I wish you felt as strongly
As I do.
Because you deserve
Love.
Mutual love.

I long for the feeling
Of defenselessness.
The feeling I had when I was
With you.
I long for the feeling
That everything was perfect.
And I long for you.
Every second,
Of every day.

~ Original. ~

Happy 85th Birthday Miss Audrey Kathleen Hepburn (4th May 1929 - ∞ ) - Mother, Humanitarium, Actress, Fashion icon, Angel. 
"Audrey was a lady with an elegance and charm that was unsurpassed, except by her love for underprivileged children all over the world. God has a most beautiful new angel now that will know just what to do in heaven." - Elizabeth Taylor


“There is no doubt that the princess did become a queen—-not only on the screen. One of the most loved, one of the most skillful, one of the most intelligent, one of the most sensitive, charming actresses—-and friends, in my life—-but also in the later stages of her life, the UNICEF ambassador to the children of the world. The generosity, sensitivity, the nobility of her service to the children of the world and the mothers of the world will never be forgotten.” - Gregory Peck


“What is needed in order to really become a star is an extra element which God gives you or doesn’t give you.  You’re born with it.  You cannot learn it.  God kissed Audrey Hepburn on the cheek and there she was." - Billy Wilder

Happy 85th Birthday Miss Audrey Kathleen Hepburn (4th May 1929 - ∞ ) - Mother, Humanitarium, Actress, Fashion icon, Angel. 
"Audrey was a lady with an elegance and charm that was unsurpassed, except by her love for underprivileged children all over the world. God has a most beautiful new angel now that will know just what to do in heaven." - Elizabeth Taylor


“There is no doubt that the princess did become a queen—-not only on the screen. One of the most loved, one of the most skillful, one of the most intelligent, one of the most sensitive, charming actresses—-and friends, in my life—-but also in the later stages of her life, the UNICEF ambassador to the children of the world. The generosity, sensitivity, the nobility of her service to the children of the world and the mothers of the world will never be forgotten.” - Gregory Peck


“What is needed in order to really become a star is an extra element which God gives you or doesn’t give you.  You’re born with it.  You cannot learn it.  God kissed Audrey Hepburn on the cheek and there she was." - Billy Wilder

Happy 85th Birthday Miss Audrey Kathleen Hepburn (4th May 1929 - ∞ ) - Mother, Humanitarium, Actress, Fashion icon, Angel. 
"Audrey was a lady with an elegance and charm that was unsurpassed, except by her love for underprivileged children all over the world. God has a most beautiful new angel now that will know just what to do in heaven." - Elizabeth Taylor


“There is no doubt that the princess did become a queen—-not only on the screen. One of the most loved, one of the most skillful, one of the most intelligent, one of the most sensitive, charming actresses—-and friends, in my life—-but also in the later stages of her life, the UNICEF ambassador to the children of the world. The generosity, sensitivity, the nobility of her service to the children of the world and the mothers of the world will never be forgotten.” - Gregory Peck


“What is needed in order to really become a star is an extra element which God gives you or doesn’t give you.  You’re born with it.  You cannot learn it.  God kissed Audrey Hepburn on the cheek and there she was." - Billy Wilder

Happy 85th Birthday Miss Audrey Kathleen Hepburn (4th May 1929 - ∞ ) - Mother, Humanitarium, Actress, Fashion icon, Angel. 
"Audrey was a lady with an elegance and charm that was unsurpassed, except by her love for underprivileged children all over the world. God has a most beautiful new angel now that will know just what to do in heaven." - Elizabeth Taylor


“There is no doubt that the princess did become a queen—-not only on the screen. One of the most loved, one of the most skillful, one of the most intelligent, one of the most sensitive, charming actresses—-and friends, in my life—-but also in the later stages of her life, the UNICEF ambassador to the children of the world. The generosity, sensitivity, the nobility of her service to the children of the world and the mothers of the world will never be forgotten.” - Gregory Peck


“What is needed in order to really become a star is an extra element which God gives you or doesn’t give you.  You’re born with it.  You cannot learn it.  God kissed Audrey Hepburn on the cheek and there she was." - Billy Wilder

Happy 85th Birthday Miss Audrey Kathleen Hepburn (4th May 1929 - ∞ ) - Mother, Humanitarium, Actress, Fashion icon, Angel. 
"Audrey was a lady with an elegance and charm that was unsurpassed, except by her love for underprivileged children all over the world. God has a most beautiful new angel now that will know just what to do in heaven." - Elizabeth Taylor


“There is no doubt that the princess did become a queen—-not only on the screen. One of the most loved, one of the most skillful, one of the most intelligent, one of the most sensitive, charming actresses—-and friends, in my life—-but also in the later stages of her life, the UNICEF ambassador to the children of the world. The generosity, sensitivity, the nobility of her service to the children of the world and the mothers of the world will never be forgotten.” - Gregory Peck


“What is needed in order to really become a star is an extra element which God gives you or doesn’t give you.  You’re born with it.  You cannot learn it.  God kissed Audrey Hepburn on the cheek and there she was." - Billy Wilder

Happy 85th Birthday Miss Audrey Kathleen Hepburn (4th May 1929 - ∞ ) - Mother, Humanitarium, Actress, Fashion icon, Angel. 
"Audrey was a lady with an elegance and charm that was unsurpassed, except by her love for underprivileged children all over the world. God has a most beautiful new angel now that will know just what to do in heaven." - Elizabeth Taylor


“There is no doubt that the princess did become a queen—-not only on the screen. One of the most loved, one of the most skillful, one of the most intelligent, one of the most sensitive, charming actresses—-and friends, in my life—-but also in the later stages of her life, the UNICEF ambassador to the children of the world. The generosity, sensitivity, the nobility of her service to the children of the world and the mothers of the world will never be forgotten.” - Gregory Peck


“What is needed in order to really become a star is an extra element which God gives you or doesn’t give you.  You’re born with it.  You cannot learn it.  God kissed Audrey Hepburn on the cheek and there she was." - Billy Wilder

Happy 85th Birthday Miss Audrey Kathleen Hepburn (4th May 1929 - ∞ ) - Mother, Humanitarium, Actress, Fashion icon, Angel. 
"Audrey was a lady with an elegance and charm that was unsurpassed, except by her love for underprivileged children all over the world. God has a most beautiful new angel now that will know just what to do in heaven." - Elizabeth Taylor


“There is no doubt that the princess did become a queen—-not only on the screen. One of the most loved, one of the most skillful, one of the most intelligent, one of the most sensitive, charming actresses—-and friends, in my life—-but also in the later stages of her life, the UNICEF ambassador to the children of the world. The generosity, sensitivity, the nobility of her service to the children of the world and the mothers of the world will never be forgotten.” - Gregory Peck


“What is needed in order to really become a star is an extra element which God gives you or doesn’t give you.  You’re born with it.  You cannot learn it.  God kissed Audrey Hepburn on the cheek and there she was." - Billy Wilder

Happy 85th Birthday Miss Audrey Kathleen Hepburn (4th May 1929 - ∞ ) - Mother, Humanitarium, Actress, Fashion icon, Angel. 
"Audrey was a lady with an elegance and charm that was unsurpassed, except by her love for underprivileged children all over the world. God has a most beautiful new angel now that will know just what to do in heaven." - Elizabeth Taylor


“There is no doubt that the princess did become a queen—-not only on the screen. One of the most loved, one of the most skillful, one of the most intelligent, one of the most sensitive, charming actresses—-and friends, in my life—-but also in the later stages of her life, the UNICEF ambassador to the children of the world. The generosity, sensitivity, the nobility of her service to the children of the world and the mothers of the world will never be forgotten.” - Gregory Peck


“What is needed in order to really become a star is an extra element which God gives you or doesn’t give you.  You’re born with it.  You cannot learn it.  God kissed Audrey Hepburn on the cheek and there she was." - Billy Wilder

Happy 85th Birthday Miss Audrey Kathleen Hepburn (4th May 1929 - ∞ ) - Mother, Humanitarium, Actress, Fashion icon, Angel. 
"Audrey was a lady with an elegance and charm that was unsurpassed, except by her love for underprivileged children all over the world. God has a most beautiful new angel now that will know just what to do in heaven." - Elizabeth Taylor


“There is no doubt that the princess did become a queen—-not only on the screen. One of the most loved, one of the most skillful, one of the most intelligent, one of the most sensitive, charming actresses—-and friends, in my life—-but also in the later stages of her life, the UNICEF ambassador to the children of the world. The generosity, sensitivity, the nobility of her service to the children of the world and the mothers of the world will never be forgotten.” - Gregory Peck


“What is needed in order to really become a star is an extra element which God gives you or doesn’t give you.  You’re born with it.  You cannot learn it.  God kissed Audrey Hepburn on the cheek and there she was." - Billy Wilder
Happy 85th Birthday Miss Audrey Kathleen Hepburn (4th May 1929 -  ) - Mother, Humanitarium, Actress, Fashion icon, Angel.
"Audrey was a lady with an elegance and charm that was unsurpassed, except by her love for underprivileged children all over the world. God has a most beautiful new angel now that will know just what to do in heaven." - Elizabeth Taylor
“There is no doubt that the princess did become a queen—-not only on the screen. One of the most loved, one of the most skillful, one of the most intelligent, one of the most sensitive, charming actresses—-and friends, in my life—-but also in the later stages of her life, the UNICEF ambassador to the children of the world. The generosity, sensitivity, the nobility of her service to the children of the world and the mothers of the world will never be forgotten.” - Gregory Peck
What is needed in order to really become a star is an extra element which God gives you or doesn’t give you.  You’re born with it.  You cannot learn it.  God kissed Audrey Hepburn on the cheek and there she was." - Billy Wilder

You knew everything about me.
You knew every dark secret I had.
You knew how I hated my body,
And I hated my hair,
I hated my face,
And I hated me.
I hate me.

I was so afraid you’d never open up to me.
And you never did.
so I tore you down,
Until you felt like shit.
You always felt like shit,
And you never told me how you felt.

I pushed you away,
And I’m beaten and bruised now.
Because you left me,
And took my everything with you.

I just couldn’t help hurting you,
When you were hurting me.
You never  cared about me,
Like I cared about you.

I fell in love with all of you,
Every flaw, every
Imperfection.
And you fell in love with all of
Her.

When we were together,
You always wished I was her,
Didn’t you?
And I’m so sorry,
That I couldn’t be everything you wanted.
And everything you needed.
Because, oh god.
I would give anything
To be the one you love.

I’m so sorry that
I was never pretty enough,
Or skinny enough,
Or perfect enough,
For you.

I’m sorry I could never please you,
Sexually or otherwise.
I’m sorry that
I wasn’t intellectual enough,
and I’m sorry that
I wasn’t interesting enough,
And I’m sorry that
I wasn’t the one you wanted.

She was the pretty and
Perfect and
Nice one.
And I am the ugly and
Fucked up and
Mean one.

You meant everything to me.
From the second I met you,
I knew that you’d mean a lot to me.
And I know that you only talked to me
Because it was raining.
But I don’t care.
A beautiful thing happened.

And I remember when you kissed me in the
Snow.
And I remember when you kissed me in my
Driveway.
And I remember when you kissed me underneath your
Blankets.
And I remember when you would never stop
Touching me.
Whether it was on my hand,
Or my waist,
Or my face.
I remember when we were so beautiful.
When did that stop?
When did we stop?

Original. ~
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